離愁

今早的我﹐異常慵懶﹐一直有不同的想法涌上來。

差不多都整頓好一切了﹐只是還有成堆的行李等著我的妙手去把它們減少到20KG。

記事本裡﹐密密麻麻的寫滿了接下來兩周內零星瑣事﹐看來放假也得忙上一陣。

沒來的及告訴很多人我臨時更改的行程﹐也許我更不想煽情悲慟的離別﹐雖然離別的愁緒在和家人吃冬至團圓飯時﹐在和JLO擁抱時﹐和WW啃著鳳尾時﹐以及ALETHIA給我GOOD BYE KISS時﹐早已無所循形了。

终于，又從一個城市到另一個城市﹐兜兜轉轉﹐我還在尋找駐腳的地方。

每當剛開始愛上一個城市的時候﹐卻又是離開的時候。漸漸的﹐我發現自己已不再會認床了﹐也養成在公車上也能睡著的習慣。

在不同的工作岗位上，遇上了不同的嘴脸，于是按奈不了自私和警戒之意，更学会了保护自己，甚至学会适时的反击。

在不同的环境里，满腔满腹的热忱，渐渐的，被熏染成麻木不仁，置身于事外，对得不到的东西，也只能嗤之于鼻。

太多介于妥协和坚持之间的抉择，我只能勉为其难的咽下，依然相信有看见蓝天的那日。太多的人，在追求梦想的路上，来来去去，直到有一天，忽然想起，我和他们，却人事已非，徒留下桃花依旧笑春风。

虽然如此，我依然还依恋着家里的百家被，还有被午后炽热的阳光暴晒后的味道。

夢驚

凌晨﹐夢驚﹐一行眼淚滑落枕邊。

慶幸﹐噩夢一場﹐安好無恙。

溫度﹐20C﹐乍夢乍醒﹐依稀聽見媽說﹕’ 你總是最愛哭的那個。‘

不哭﹐我只是懊惱。

Flash back-Jlo's Wedding

4/12/2008:
I took the bus at 8.15am to Sarikei to witness one of Jlo's big events in her life (as her Actual Day is on 7/12/2008 in Banting, Selangor). Jlo aka Jenny Law is my best ji mui in my ex-company. We share similarity like our name start with 'Jenny' and end with 'Ling' and many other things (cannot reveal one).
I was in a beautiful mood to travel early in the morning while the sun is still not too hot and the breeze gently awoken me and beautify my mind. I took a cab to reach Jenny's house which cost me RM6. It's a pretty short journey but I didn't even bargain with the taxi driver as usual since my mood is pretty.
I reached at Jlo's place at 9.45am as she was almost had her make-up done. Phewit~~~ She wore a purple layer pom pom dress, so adorable like a princess. See, the princess and the Cinderella as below:

The blessings rained down just like the rain outside the windows when we took off from the restaurant after the wedding lunch. Actually my heart was raining too because I can't ensure that when we can meet next time. And I was so happy that she is with someone who is so good to her and will take care of her till the end of the world.
Best of the Best-est to Jenny Law and Aik Han. Love you, dear!

pretty Jlo

Au Revoir

It has been 15 days since my previous post. Actually there are lots of interesting events during this period. Three weddings, Jlo's, my cousin, dorcas's and my colleague's wedding; ngiik and Yong's engagement; a week in my parent's place ; a final decision about the date to Melbourne; my first website publish on web. decorate my first Christmas tree.... Tears, laughter and memories flowing from everywhere and staying everywhere in the deepest part in my heart.
I seize on every chances to stay with those I love here as I will be leaving to the one I loved there. Isn't this what I expected? But the sorrows are getting stronger each day as the day I left is approaching. It's just like it gonna be long long way apart from them here.And I have a feeling that not supposed to have, it's just like I can't see them anymore.(touched wood). We gain and lost simultaneously on every decision that we made. It's a kinda fair world.Anyway, the sudden decision put me on the hot stove and I did hesitate until today to book the air ticket with the date earlier as expected and thus, I need to re-plan my schedule for the next two months.
Cb jia, I gonna lost the chance to gather with you, Tze Ling, YY and two amus during chinese new year. It's a gathering that I expected for so long and now I can't make it. The Chinese new year will still be merry without my presence but I swear I will feel the emptiness without you all's companions.
My all time favourite~

Accident

WTF!!! I won't dare to drive anymore. I crushed the car to the door gate while I'm reversing it. My brain was in a vacant until I heard a BANG and in nervous, I tried to put the 'R" to 'D' but my trembling & clumsy hand with a jammed brain put it to 'N'. Luckily I didn't let go of the brake instead. JIMBAI!!!!!!!! I hate this happening, i hate black dot and imperfection in my driving life. I grumbled to God :' You said you will protect me huh? Then see what happen?" I'm bad and blame the God instead of blaming my lausy driving skill. God, Please forgive me, I still love you and I will love you more and more because you protect me not to knock others cars and just the stainless steel gate.
I still drove off to have my hair cut after that, leaving the winding gate's beam behind. Eventually, I was not satisfied with the new hair cut.. f*ck!! f*ck f*ck!!
Bad day, and we didn't win the lottery with my car plate.

My week

I had a rush and hectic but happy week. Let's jot down what I have done, seen, encountered, heard in previous 3 days and today before I had my early Alzheimer's.
My lovely sister-in-law, Eng was back from Sdyney with her cute boy friend, Yao on Tuesday noon. I fetched them up at the airport with my MIL and the first impression that Yao gave me is 'Oh god, how come he is so young?" Do You want to know the secrets of his scared secret? I will reveal it later. Right after we fetched them home, I received a gift from them, a pair of earrings. Thanks Eng, I really like it so so much. Yao bought lots of tea and some Chinese herbs for us since his family ran a Chinese herb shop in Penang. MIL was so happy and busy to welcome them home by a big pot of chicken soup. But 3 hours later, we went for dinner with Alice and her parents. Thanks to Alice dad for buying us a weighty and thumb-up 蝴蝶斑魚﹐We recommended some local vegetable like Mani vege aka Iban vege to Yao. He kept on saying 好吃with his mouthful of food. I pity him so much because everyone was serving him with food again and again while I paralyzed on my chair after having two small plates of spinach mee, a bowl of soup and a cheesy prawn. Nice talk with Eng on my bed before we felt asleep.
Anyway, For the next two days, Wednesday and Thursday, our main activity is EAT & EAT. Let me count, I ate at least five banquets but only yoga-ing for twice in a week. I tried out a news recipe (actually with ready made herbs powder again), Emperor chicken aka 紙包帝皇雞。 I was not so contented with the outcome but most of them said it is nice. :-)
I brought them to eat Kampua this morning and have lunch two hours later at home. I like the atmosphere when lots of people siting together having lunch , laughing and talking everything freely. I will remember this moment.
We sent them off to the airport 2 hours ago and finally.......I not need to dine out tonight. hohohoho. Pity my MIL, she was so much exhausted but need to dinner with supplier again later.
Keboom~~~~~~ I will drive off to my yoga class later , if not, my Michelin is getting obvious.

P/s: 普洱﹐ 綠茶is the secret.

愛琴海

終於盼到了週末。 我寫了長長的LIST﹐ 發現瑣碎的事還不少。
但最興奮的是明天可以和YY見面。 我們約好了一大早一起走路去吃早餐﹐ 只是她是從北部走來而我是從南部走來。 這樣很好﹐ 就像我們的友情﹐ 即使繞了一大圈﹐ 還是在原處﹐保持著原味。
昨天又重回瑜迦的懷抱﹐ 骨子和筋緊繃如玄。 闔上雙眼﹐ 我深深的吸了一大口氣﹐ 緩緩的從嘴裡吐氣﹐ 心靈被倒空的這一刻﹐ 我看到藍藍的天空﹐ 蔚藍閃爍的大海﹐ 冰涼的微風撫摸著我全身﹐ 於是我笑了﹐ 從心底笑了出來。 誰說藍色是憂鬱﹐ 至少對我來說不是。 誰說海風一定是黏濕的﹐ 至少在我的夢裡不是。
今晚要和BLONDINA見面﹐ 開始擔心自己蹩腳的英文。 美麗的愛琴海, 卻又如誘人的希臘少女般﹐如此的引人暇想。。。

Thoughts

I have few thoughts in my mind right now:

1) Mum, I hope I can go back and help you asap. I will try my best in the fastest speed.

2) I was very frustrated after reading kennysia's Zouk post. Kenny's post is always great,just make me recall once I'd been dragged to the dancing pool and dance with a stranger. WTF, felt shameful and uneasy of myself because this totally, definitely opposite my principal fortunately there WASN'T any body contacts. But still, black dot in my life found. T_T

3) Who want to accompany me to eat kampua for breakfast? I'm fucking lonely here.

4) Can I get a Pringles later???? I will have Alice's sushi later wor. Sien, like this also need to think so long.

Conclusion: I'm so lame.

KL

Jia texted me last night asking me to join her traveling next year since Air Asia is offering fuel-charge-free tickets. I was really, definitely, eagerly wanna join but again, I may not in Malaysia that time.
I was searching for KL's hotels' information this morning for Chris, he is a lot more economic than me. Surveying the transit system, and I found that I was much more unfamiliar with KL nowadays. I used to travel in KL with a LRT map on my hands with friends. Jia brought me to Sungai Wang from Pudu using shortcut. And that time all by foot. The memory is still fresh. Is the MCDonald under the bridge around a Plaza(I can't even remember the plaza's name) still there? I like to have a McEgg with a book there before heading back to BP.
oh, badly, I'm totally a stranger in KL city now. Time flies, I graduate, break up, first job, dating, married and second job and I may overseas next year. Watching the Google map online, I'm counting on the pace i used to put on KL's land. I never regret to save money from my meals to travel in Peninsular. Can keep fit what!!!

Home II

I miss my home. I'm a bit tired. I want a soundly sleep on my home's bed. I want to cook on my home's stove. I want to lay on my home's sofa watching my home's TV program.
But, where is my home?

Hatred

I was scolded by the jerk in my shame post. I tried to compromise but he shouted in the phone and throw all the responsibilities to me. Excuse me, I'm the customer and you are paid to provide the service to us, but don't get your tail expose once you get paid. We had paid you lots but you seem not satisfied and try to catch every loop hole of our conversation and try to get rid of the responsibilities and hope can earn money from us again. I don't understand how come a simple thing turns up so complicated. *SIGH*
Hope everything can be fine.

Shame

I'm irritated, challenged and motivated now. The one who act really ungentlemanly and uncivilized, I would forgive. We choose to compromise once and now you still want to leave a bad impressions before we finished our long business relationship. Well, I will still smile till the end because if I can't handle eventually, I won't choose you, whatever.
I respect your experiences in IT even though I know you are not really expertise on it. I'm fresh too but I felt ashamed of having this group of people among the IT field.
Thanks for letting us to know you more. Hope you will realize one day and wake up from your barbarian's behavior and mindset else you will only have your business done once and never for long term.

......

Feel like wanna write something but my brain is blank...

2 Hours of My Weekend

I spent 2 hours of my weekend cooking 2 simple dishes. pumpkin sago dessert (南瓜西米露) & herbal tea egg and pork.
I''m quite satisfied for the output. :-)

南瓜西米露: I lazy to take photo so i found a similar photo of it on web.

Cosway Deli chef Herbal Tea egg spices

I used this inexpensive, ready-packed instant herbal tea egg mixture to cook a delicious dish. I add in 6 mushrooms and some three-layer pork besides 7 eggs. Add in soy source for your preference. After 7 hours cooked in the slow cooker, the pork tastes extremely tasty, just like the canned food, 红烧扣肉。

Wish you are here

I almost fainted in the washroom this morning. I have serious pain on my 'lower part' of my stomach..ahem, i didn't study Biology since 10 years ago so i don't know what organ is that, probably uterus? I'm not pregnant, ok? Following by the strong nausea feeling and I begin to vomit into a pail while sitting on the toilet bowl. Then I pulled my heavy steps and curled on my bed.
I wish you are here, dear.

A simple wish

I wish to go back to my parents' place to help out. My granny is ill. I was shocked when I saw my mum feeding her using the milk bottle. I still saw her sitting in the living room with us two weeks ago and asking me for more nice agar-agar. I bought her nice bread from Sibu this time but now she can't even chewed. She became more and more 'childish' nowadays. I was so helpless and sad seeing all these. My mum was extremely exhausted since she need to run the business and have to take care of my granny and my dad as well. Granny refused to sleep at night, and was screaming, crawling on the floor sometimes and my mum have to keep an eye on her all the night long. No matter how, mum still need to open the shop on time the next morning. I'm so scared that mum will collapse one day. I don't even can't stand to work like this for a week but my mum had deal with these for months. I know mum's health is going downhill too, I saw her consume more medicine nowadays.
I'm still remembered what my aunt told me after my maternal grandmother passed away. " If i stayed longer here with my mum, she won't leave us earlier." Life had faded and only sorrow and grief left. I don't want to be like this.
That's the reason why i woke up with my swollen eyes the day after I watched "Money Not Enough 2". When people making fun on the old granny in the movie, laughing on her repeated questions about 'jiak ba moi' and 'nai sa' jokes, I was weeping. I hope my granny can nag on me to show that she is still energetic.
I wish to go home after I had finished my task. I don't wish to have grief in my life.

离开

我知道我不该有这样的情绪，就如我不能因为我的情绪而影响周遭的人。
但是，我不说，又有谁能了解。还是，即使我说了，有多少人能了解。
匆匆的结束了两天的假期，我在回程的车上不禁悲恸起来。
我不想再武装自己，不想看到许多的矛盾和借口。
我不想什么都往肚子里吞， 不想无能为力的坐视不理。
我不想看到遗憾发生，才让我无济于事的恨你们。
我不想我和他的距离越来越远，我不想被说成只会找借口和无理取闹。
我，只想听到一句‘我懂’。
我，只想做回自己
我, 也许生病了。

My long lost smiles

I had been traveled for at least 1000km last weekend. And, I found my long lost smile and laughter. I gained at least 1kg surrounded with lots of my favourite food and those I loved.

Thanks mates for everything. I felt cotented with my hectic 2 days holidays.

分享

1) 能让自己快乐的人只有自己
2) 男人注重的是‘值不值得’，‘应不应该’ 而女人注重的是感觉。
3) 不要让上一代的恩怨影响自己。
4) 作回自己。大胆的分享想法，如果你是个有分寸的人。
5) 男人不是不要用女人喜爱的方式疼你， 而是他们不懂也不会， 所以要坦诚沟通，一方面女人也要管理好情绪， 然而， 这是一生之久的事。
6) 不要把矛头总是指向对方，而要常自我反省。

New member

I brought Harlie back last night. I fell in love with him on the first sight. When he was firstly shown to us, I shouted in excitement :"That's him!!!". Quiet, plump and clumsy, round eyes and peach color fur. Gosh, he is my new baby.
I fed him with porridge and some pork chunks. I think he missed his mum's milk more because he reluctant to eat it after he sniffed on the food. Rockey & Winnie scared him a lot because they barked in mad and showing their sharp teeth when seeing I hug Harlie. The animals also have sense of jealousy, ok? Then I tried to talk with them. Pardon? Yes, I was talking to dogs in human language and finally they understood and agreed. Because they need to understand that they will lost their meals and stayed in their stinky home if they disagreed. Ok, I threatened them.
Harlie was hungry this morning and he uses his little paws to 'knock' the kitchen door at 6am. Poor little thing, he must be shivered in fear , staring at his unfriendly brother & sister.
I like the new, energetic life, just like the every little leave that sprout on a plant.
I will post Harlie's photo soon.

你读了我的部落格后

其实，朋友對我真的很重要， 重要得連老公都要嫉妒。
我只能说， 我和朋友的时间多过于和家人的相处。朋友对我来说是一辈子的，所以能交心的朋友也不多。但他们都曾扶携过我，陪伴过我, 一起不知所谓的做些以为很叛逆的事，一起用有限的零用钱去‘猎食’，甚至一起暗恋， 一起失恋。
少女时期的我很多愁善感和自卑, 甚至有点怪癖， 就像你所说的， 会为了一只失去的猫伤心，因为当时的我感叹着为什么在它再生时没好好照顾它。我很怕领别人的情甚至常拒绝别人的好意，因为我怕我还不了。我不爱和人打交道，因为我害怕别人眼中嘲笑的眼神， 即使他们没有。直到你的出现， 你像一朵向日葵，即使要在炎炎夏日下搭巴士， 你还是那么逍遥自在，即使你筋疲力竭了，你还是坚持着跑到终点， 然后垮了， 即使弄不明白的习题，你还是坚持要做到天亮。拽啊你！！曾经觉得你是天之骄女，但其实你比谁都拼命，你拥有的一切都是你争取得来的， 真是一只打不死的壁虎(你的宠物)。
话说回来，我不常聯絡朋友，我更不擅长说窝心的话，我喜歡的是那種淡淡的距離， 但再見面時仍有說不完的話， 仍能手牵手一起上街。离别拥抱后， 偷偷转过身深呼吸，抑制着离愁。
我不遗憾，纵然见面的机会渐少，我深信每一次的相聚都会为我们的友谊打入一剂强心剂，我喜欢听她们娓娓道来自己的爱情故事，数落着工作时所遇到的怪人，虽然有时候我很希望是她们现在生活的一份子。现在我们有了经济能力去享受以前所梦寐以求的，甚至约会喝茶的地方都提升到一些颇居盛名的茶餐听，但偶尔我还是觉得当年的花生汤和无肉酱油干面美味些，路边的roti canai, teh tarik 和 mi Hong Kong 够味些，这也意味着有她们陪伴的日子是美好的。
所以即使我的圈子再小都没关系，因为我拥有的都是国宝级的朋友。 ：p

Wonderful tonight

I went to a newly open lounge & cafe in town last night. Too bad I can't manage to shot any nice photos due to my lousy 1.0 M pixels phone camera. I ordered Sweet Beverage, mixed fruits cocktail while Ngiik only ordered a Lime juice. We also ordered fried squids and french fries to feed our glutton stomach.
The environment is nice, not so noisy and smoky like some Bistro that I used to hang up in other city. This impressed me a lot. When it was around 9pm, I was surprised to see the waiter that served us step onto the stage and sing. The feeling is good because i can feel his emotion when he sang. *Applause* The pianist also great. Yeah, I prefer the unplugged performance and accapella more than everything. I closed my eyes and tucked into the sofa with my cocktail, oh God, finally I have something to expect in the town. Wonderful Friday night.

Weirdo

I'm a weirdo deep in my heart.

1) I dislike there is someone next to my compartment in the washroom.
2) I dislike been disturbed when I was asleep. I used to be irritated and slammed the phone to the wall.
3) I won't halt my task in the middle way even though I know I need to go for a big round to complete it.
4) My face is black when I'm serious and concentrated.
5) I won't allow people to wait for me and at the same time, I dislike those who is unpunctual.
6) I'm willing to spend on nice dishes but bitchy on the services.
7) I dislike cartoon since my childhood, dislike most of the korean dramas. I prefer comedy or romance from the west.
8) I dislike others to share my bed or even room except siblings or closed friends. So do I dislike others to touch or criticize on my things.
9) I dislike people to shout or command me else I will turn to hatred. I prefer nice communication even though sometimes they are hypocrite.
10) I want my room of freedom and don't wish to be disturbed, lying down on bed, sipping my drinks and tit-bits with some nice movies or books for whole day.
11) I dislike rice.
12) I dislike to owe others' money or their kindness. Anyway, there are always people who assist and guide me in my life.
13) I will forget all the unhappy events after a sleep.

More to add on after I find out. I apologized for the offend I may do on to those who know me. Komenasai!!!

最初和永远的感动

今夜，我什么都不想做，只想寻回感动。

My early Alzheimer' symptom

I was so damn dizzy and rush this morning. Guess what I had done? I applied this

instead of sunblock on my RIGHT CHEEK!!!!!!
In a rush, I have to remove it with make-up remover and redid my morning-skin-care procedure. Oh gosh,I'm feeling the itchiness on my face now...

P.S.I.LOVE.YOU

I had lots of dreams lately. Not nightmare but the story is mainly the same. Maybe i watched too many romantic dramas lately. (not wet dreams please..)
I watched 'P.S.I.LOVE.YOU'last night, I know I was out-dated to watch it but I'm glad that I finally watched it. The main actress, Holly lost her Husband, Gerry in her young age of 30. They had crush on each other when Holly is 19 in beautiful Ireland. Holly was like you and me, a typical girl who didn't know what she want in her life and always stress and uncontentious of her career, partner and family. She was depressed due to the loss until she received a letter from Gerry on her 30th birthday ended with 'p.s.i.love you'. Gerry guided her in the letter to boast her confidence along the path of seeking life's goal in numerous letters. Anyway, i stopped on the part they started their first kiss because I need to go to bed on time to meet my husband in dream.. Hahaha.

Dream

It's a hot morning. I 'm reading some of my regular visiting blog and trying to write on some of my thinking too. I dreamt of TL last night, due to lots of memories that flooding me after i read flyingdance's blog.I feel grateful that i didn't let go any chances to travel around in my university's life.But too bad, i lost all my photos while traveling to to Cameron.I still remembered that i hardly opened my eyes, held my breath and J's hand while the bus drove along the way to Perinchang.
I dreamt to visit my pals before I migrate but due to my tight 'working' schedule, I can hardly to have break. I know i gonna miss them like I always do but I won't tell them.
Anyway, my next target is Marysville after viewing Mike's photos. I was initially attracted by the snow at the lake Mountain but when I was eagerly looking for the info of Lake Mt., i saw Marysville, a small village with lots of flora.I dreamt to sleep in the tulip bushes.

Home

20 minutes to go before my lunch break. I'm still in the holiday mood today after the 5 days break ( actually i went back to my parent's place). Until today, i still feel so much reluctant to come back. I can still feel the hot soup cooked by mum on my tongue tip. I left the red egg which my sister brought back after her friend's baby's 1-month birthday dinner. According to the elder, It's good to eat if you want to have a baby boy eagerly.*puzzled*. I also forgot to bring back some useful software because the holidays still too short and rush for me. I miss my family so much. The feeling is getting stronger especially after I got married.
I had spent some quality time with my sisters, parents and my grandmother. Grandmum is having Alzheimer's disease. She sang alone, talked alone and slide back to her memory in few decades ago. I was touched when heard her prayed in our small group church meeting. She can forget everyone but not the Mighty HIM.
Mum is still busy with the sundry shop and the workloads is getting higher till she need to work till 12am sometimes. Mum is the most magnificent woman in this world and I salute her. She never forget to cook me nice and nutritious soup no matter how busy is she. She bought my favorite food such as 'taufu hua' and dumplings, which even my husband don't understand my taste better than her. On my way back, I hold the 'bao' bought by mum tightly in my bag, which warmed my heart instead of my stomach.