Wednesday, March 2, 2011

和自己的对话

我,很渺小,很喜欢缅怀过去,却又不积极现在和未来。
我,跟不上世界的脚步,活在自己小小又狭隘的思维里,却走不出框框。
我,开始很用心地对待人和事物,却发现自己家务做得不好,菜煮得不好吃,人家不理我。
我,选择keep my mouth shut, 因为发现自己讲的话很无知肤浅。
我,不是不想和你们说话,却又很怕被人忘记。
我,有时尝试联络人,却发现离别人的世界很远,有时觉得他们说话中伤我,
我,不敢和朋友狡辩,因为觉得自己很小气。
我,有时睡觉醒来,却为了能够醒来而觉得悲哀。
我,不能把心事烦恼和他说,因为他总觉得不关他的事,很烦,他要上班养我,我的烦恼要自己解决。
我,躲起来偷偷的哭,在人前强颜欢笑,笑得很难看,人家说我摆臭脸。
我,不知道活着为什么,看了Purpose Driven Life, 却看不明白也不爱看。
我,不会主动找人msn因为怕人家觉得我很烦,也想看看如果我没有找人,有没有人会主动msn我。
我,太多自己的念头,但很少坏念头,但是人家还是不满意我。
我,上班遇到禽兽老板,我丢了工,其他同事也选择离开,他们却把矛头指向我,说我是保龄球,还问我事情发生后,为什么我看起来若无其事, 前面还加一句,i don't want to upset you but...
我,很难过,觉得为什么会有这种事发生在我身上,但是我没错,他们可能质疑我,但是难过不一定要人家看到,我不要你们理解,因为没发生在你们身上,你们永远不会懂那种伤害。
我, 不想赚同情泪,虽然我还是很难过他们这样想我。
我,不想提这件事了,虽然我还是很怕一个人出去,还是重重锁上家门,时不时还要回去协助调查,要面对的时候还是要面对的。
我,会没事,只是想诚实的和自己对话。

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

不能忘

有一些伤害,是一辈子都不会忘, 更何况是彼此的伤害。



当他的拳头近在咫尺,她知道一切该慢慢的结束了,更何况他无中生有的侮辱了她的家人。



一张床,两个人,一间房,两个人, 死结。再见。

Thursday, December 2, 2010

废人

讨厌废人。还可以从头来过吗?青春已不复返,红颜已消兮。 咬破了的唇角,眼泪却倔强在眼眶里打转,想大声的嘶叫,却不被容许。困在心里的野兽,像被人肋住了喉咙,失去了分寸,却只能彷徨的徘徊在格局里, 什么也做不了。与其逼死人,不如逼死自己。 为什么死不了?啊?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

坚强

好久没来这里了。其实不是很像来的,每次来到都很情绪化。
七个月就这样无声无息的溜走了。每天循例的上下班,泡泡电视剧,白开水一般的过生活。做着自己不是很爱做的事,看尽了各种嘴脸和苛刻,发现以前的生活是多么的幸福,有无话不谈的同事,甚至还怀念起来曾经很不喜欢的部门主管,ST。
无论如何,只要还活着,日子还是一样要过的。缅怀过去,其实丝毫没有好处,现实很残酷,需要让自己变得很强大,不是么?
面对人,变得很累,一个人有时真的撑得很辛苦,无论如何,还是要面对的,不是么?

Monday, March 15, 2010

你是我的宝

童颜是世界上最美好的一幅图画;稚语是世界上最安慰人心的良药.

video

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

无题

很静。老式CPU的风扇在呼呼作响。墙上挂着的日历,鲜红的注明着大年初三。 有点发臭的口腔,镜中蜡黄的面容,丝毫沾不上春节的喜气洋洋。家人,朋友,离我好远好远好远,我想他们早已忘了我的存在。
我应该体谅他们吗?那是一种很矛盾的情绪,就好像我很不要脸似的,死命的,重复的提醒别人记起我。没有了眷恋,就随一切去吧,在蓝蓝的海里和鱼儿说心事,至少还我安详,离开一切的纷扰。

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

音乐

插上耳机,音乐带我到另一个世界,每首歌重复听三遍。
(一个就一个,手空着就开车。。。)
电话铃铃响,门铃叮咚响,管他的印度大姐广告攻势,还是总是找错地址的清洁工人。
(慢慢呼吸,越慢越美丽。。。)
今晚不煮晚餐,好吗?可以吗?面对满冰箱黄了一角的菜,我好想哭。。
(someone once told me that you have to choose what you win or lose you cant have everything...)
I'm just tryna be happy.
(天上的星星笑地上的人 总是不能懂不能知道足够。。。)
其实幸福很简单,就是减去所有消极的,乘以美好的。
(两人手一牵,命运就改变)
........................

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Good people vs. bad people

I met good people and bad people in melbourne.
I felt bad and upset when I once saw a pizza teenage girl who served impatiently and raised her voice freaking high to an old folk. The poor old man pointed at the pizza slices on the food shelf with his trembling right hand while holding a wood stick in his left hand. This picture haunted me for weeks and I can remember still vividly his trembling pointer swifted disobediently and the stonyhearted glimpse on the lovely face of the girl.
I met another chinese waitress in Boxhill who ruined my beautiful Saturday and gave me a bonus of arguement with Chris. The psychotic woman (I'm still mad of her)refused to confess the wrong order and yet YELLED at me. She insisted I ordered the bloody 'dong ning cha' which I actually orderd a 'dong nai cha'. And she gave the wrong order to the customer next table to me and she kept denying at first and lastly the guy showed her the order sheet, which finally shutted her machine-gunned mouth. The incident ended up with an angry me burning in hatred hell fire launching a complaint to her co-workers after I failed to meet her manager in the peak lunch hour and the 'dong ning cha'is replaced. Not a happy ending because I left behind the food and headed back straight to home with a scattered shopping mood.
I met an asshole on Airasia flight to Melbourne in January who claimed the empty seat between me and him was 50%-50% belonged respectively when Chris intended to switch to that seat. I was poor at English speaking that time and I gave up to argue with him. However, Jing, my sister in law had some arguements with him and he was kinda a jerk who gave all sorts of ridiculous and idiotic excuses and he finally blasted out saying that he rather to sit on the empty seat and purposely want to separate me and Chris. A bad trip indeed and I suffered the severe stomachache after having the Nasi Lemak late at midnight. :-(
Anyway, don't give up. There is always a bright side on every happening, just like there is good people out there too.
I was somehow lost on my way home today because I can't find the bus stop to get me to the main road. I asked a couple who was resting after their tennis session for direction and they were too kind to offer me their MAC to search for the bus route. But unfortunately the bus stop just not there as the web indicated. So i thanked them and tried for luck on another end of road.I headed to the direction of the couple again after a guy directed me to the nearby train station. I waved at the couple and signed them that I was heading to the station.
'Hey!!!' a voice hold me and I slowered down my paces under the hot sun. It was her, Lily, the wife, asking me if I don't mind then they most probably can drop me off at the main road. I hesitated and couldn't resist their sincerity and I nodded. I was lucky to chat with them, friendly Lily and Mr Lily(too hard to remember his name and that's the way he called himself). Thank you, Mr Lily and Lily, thanks for a beautiful heart like the scent of lily flower, you have made my day. :-)

Friday, November 20, 2009

乱说

今天这个鬼天气,把湿漉漉的衣服在2个小时之内给烘干了,更不用说我哪干得可看到细纹的皮肤,希望它不要‘龟裂’就行了, 可怕!!
反复听了好几遍green day 的 21 guns, 他们是我最近喜欢上的soft rock band,把我心情带上天。自闭了太久,懒散了,也只有音乐可以和我相依为命了。目标阿目标,为什么你离我那么远?还是我根本都不知道你是什么东东?为什么我这么懒,这么堕落,好像根本没劲去追求你?也许病了11天,病傻了。
也许傻了更好,即时天崩地裂,大喜大悲都与我无关。酱悲观嚒?讨厌的自己。

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My First TIme.

I was undergoing a series of female exam lately. Thanks to Australian's government for the medical benefit as most of all I have them free. Firstly, TPU (Transvaginal Pelvis Ultrasound) which involves the insertion of the transducer into the v*gin* (*blush*) and it was performed professionally by a MALE doctor with a nurse's witness. The process is emm...arrgg...grrr...ok, lotsa jelly, uncovered and precise but after all, it's quite all right for me.
I had appointment with my family doctor to discuss the diagnosis's result early at 9 this morning. It's a beautiful spring morning, and like usual, I followed the path cross over the nursery home, yellowish flowers field, lavender bush, and certainly friendly old folks to the main road.
Back to my diagnosis result, I was told my right ovary is polycystic in appearance. On the other hand, my right ovary contains up to 7 peripheral follicles. Therefore I need to undergo another blood test for my hormone tomorrow.

God bless me, my ovary and fertility. Amen.